I work in finance, so I know numbers. Five, seventeen, thirty three point three three three three three three three three three, you name it.
This morning, armed with this knowledge of numbers, I sat down with my adding machine and calculated that Channel 4 have been repeating the ‘comedy’ show Everybody Loves Raymond for approximately 38 years. Not only is this far longer than the show has been in existence, it is also longer than Channel 4 has been on the air. This annoys me.
Channel 4 have been repeating Friends for a similar amount of time and show no signs of stopping, despite regular rumours that this really is, honestly, the very last time they’re going to show it from start to finish again. However, Friends is actually a very popular show which many people continue to enjoy viewing, even though they will give you an apologetic look when you catch them watching it and insist that “I was just waiting for something else to come on….”
Nobody likes Everybody Loves Raymond. NOBODY.
I could forgive Channel 4 if this was an initially popular show that people gradually fell out of love with, like Little Britain (that’ll teach you not to develop your characters, Matt Lucas and David Walliams!) Everybody Loves Raymond has NEVER been good. It’s the kind of comedy that the Americans have been churning out since I Love Lucy.
“My wife is mean!”
“My husband is stupid!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you stupid fucks!
Now, this is not the only unfunny show to be endlessly repeated on British television. That one series of Last Of The Summer Wine has been on a continuous loop on the BBC for about 40 years and….wait….what? More than one series…? OVER THIRTY SERIES?? But they’re all the same!!!
Whatever. The point is; Last Of The Summer Wine is for old people who enjoy having something comforting and familiar playing in the background while they eat Rich Tea biscuits, fart and complain about their foot pain. That’s why Terry Wogan lasted so long on Radio 2.
Everybody Loves Raymond doesn’t seem to be aimed at anybody, except maybe people who fantasize about murdering their spouse. The show does not have a single redeeming feature. I despise every character – even down to the children (creepy twins.) There is not a single second of any episode that goes by that I don’t wish a giant rock would appear as if from nowhere and crush everybody.
And yet. And yet… every morning I feel compelled to switch to Channel 4 at 7.30 to watch it. I don’t know if I am punishing myself for some forgotten sin. Perhaps this is the modern day equivalent of self-flagellation? Perhaps there is a secret Catholic inside of me trying to gain favour in the eyes of God. If this is the case then I know exactly where I’m going when I die.
Straight to Hell for watching Everybody Loves Raymond.