Following your dreams

26 May

Matt Webb

The scene: my girlfriend and I, in bed, on a Sunday evening.

Me: Hmmmm…

Girlfriend: Hmmmm…?

Me: You know, I really think I’d like to go and hibernate in a cave somewhere for about 6 months.

Gf: Okay…

Me: It’s been a dream of mine since childhood.

Gf: To live in a cave?

Me: No no no. To make a little nest out of dry leaves and feathers and stuff, snuggle up in it and hibernate for about 6 months every year.

Gf: Okay, you can do that if you like…

(pause)

Me: You could come with me if you like..?

Gf: That’s okay, I’ll just stay here. You know, go to work, see my friends, have a life.

Me: Oh.

Gf: Probably meet a man that doesn’t dream of being a hedgehog.

Me: You wouldn’t stay with me while I was away?

Gf: Probably not.

Me: Oh.

(pause)

Me: I thought you might have been a bit more supportive of my dream.

Gf: I’m being supportive; I told you that you can do it if you like. I just won’t be coming with you.

(pause)

Me: What if I told you I could make us fantastically rich and famous?

Gf: How would you do that? You’d have to give up your job for one thing.

(pause)

Gf: Hmm?

(pause)

Gf: Go on.

Me: I’m thinking.

(pause)

Me: I’d say that it was a publicity stunt to raise awareness for homeless charities.

Gf: What?

Me: It would work! I’d say it was to raise awareness of homeless charities and then once I was in the media spotlight I’d reap the rewards. Go on Oprah and so on.

Gf: Oprah.

Me: Okay, maybe not Oprah. Trisha, or whatever. Once I had my foot in the celebrity door I’d be made. Probably get myself a regular spot on Celebrity Squares.

Gf: They don’t make that show any more.

Me: Blankety Blank then, do I have to think of everything??

Gf: And you’d do this by raising awareness for homelessness.

Me: Yeah. I’d get Bob Geldof to help me!

Gf: How would…

Me: He wouldn’t be able to say no or I’d threaten to expose him and his uncaring attitude toward the homeless!

Gf: Wouldn’t he just steal all your limelight, the way he did with Midge Ure in the 80s?

Me: Yeah, but Midge Ure was still on Celebrity Masterchef that time.

Gf: For being Midge Ure, not for getting screwed over by Bob Geldof.

(pause)

Me: I can’t believe how unsupportive you’re being.

Gf: I’m being supportive! I just think you should think about it from every angle before you quit your job to pursue your dream.

Me: Hmph.

Gf: So, you get Bob Geldof to help draw attention to your cause… What is the message you’re sending by living in a cave for 6 months.

Me: Raising awareness for homelessness, I told you…

Gf: Yes, but how does living in a cave do that?

Me: Well, it’s… it’s showing the homeless how they could make their situations better if they had a little more entrepreneurial flair.

Gf: By living in a cave and getting Bob Geldof to help make them famous?

Me: Exactly!

(pause)

Gf: This isn’t going to work.

(long pause)

Me: Goodnight, sugar puff.

Gf: Goodnight, possum.

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