The scene: my girlfriend and I, in bed, on a Sunday evening.
Me: You know, I really think I’d like to go and hibernate in a cave somewhere for about 6 months.
Me: It’s been a dream of mine since childhood.
Gf: To live in a cave?
Me: No no no. To make a little nest out of dry leaves and feathers and stuff, snuggle up in it and hibernate for about 6 months every year.
Gf: Okay, you can do that if you like…
Me: You could come with me if you like..?
Gf: That’s okay, I’ll just stay here. You know, go to work, see my friends, have a life.
Gf: Probably meet a man that doesn’t dream of being a hedgehog.
Me: You wouldn’t stay with me while I was away?
Gf: Probably not.
Me: I thought you might have been a bit more supportive of my dream.
Gf: I’m being supportive; I told you that you can do it if you like. I just won’t be coming with you.
Me: What if I told you I could make us fantastically rich and famous?
Gf: How would you do that? You’d have to give up your job for one thing.
Gf: Go on.
Me: I’m thinking.
Me: I’d say that it was a publicity stunt to raise awareness for homeless charities.
Me: It would work! I’d say it was to raise awareness of homeless charities and then once I was in the media spotlight I’d reap the rewards. Go on Oprah and so on.
Me: Okay, maybe not Oprah. Trisha, or whatever. Once I had my foot in the celebrity door I’d be made. Probably get myself a regular spot on Celebrity Squares.
Gf: They don’t make that show any more.
Me: Blankety Blank then, do I have to think of everything??
Gf: And you’d do this by raising awareness for homelessness.
Me: Yeah. I’d get Bob Geldof to help me!
Gf: How would…
Me: He wouldn’t be able to say no or I’d threaten to expose him and his uncaring attitude toward the homeless!
Gf: Wouldn’t he just steal all your limelight, the way he did with Midge Ure in the 80s?
Me: Yeah, but Midge Ure was still on Celebrity Masterchef that time.
Gf: For being Midge Ure, not for getting screwed over by Bob Geldof.
Me: I can’t believe how unsupportive you’re being.
Gf: I’m being supportive! I just think you should think about it from every angle before you quit your job to pursue your dream.
Gf: So, you get Bob Geldof to help draw attention to your cause… What is the message you’re sending by living in a cave for 6 months.
Me: Raising awareness for homelessness, I told you…
Gf: Yes, but how does living in a cave do that?
Me: Well, it’s… it’s showing the homeless how they could make their situations better if they had a little more entrepreneurial flair.
Gf: By living in a cave and getting Bob Geldof to help make them famous?
Gf: This isn’t going to work.
Me: Goodnight, sugar puff.
Gf: Goodnight, possum.