I have become vintage de-sensitised. I’ll pick up a silk shirt with lurid pineapple design and think, hell yeah! That will look divine with my high-waisted parrot print culottes….I look like someone digested the worst clothing disasters of the last 30 years and shat them out in Technicolor all over me. This vintagous disease has claimed so many fashion victims it’s practically a super bug.
Even high-profile play-it-safe Alexa Chung (left) chose to wear this monstrosity at Paris Fashion week back in February. I can imagine how it happened, once you’re in your third quirky vintage shop where teapots are candle holders and all the mirrors are 70s smoked glass (there is a reason for this…) the vintage saturation effect takes hold, the ridiculous become the norm and the crimplene granny dress gets me feverishly squawking “it’s the new little red dress!”
Surely the reason the racks of our favourite vintage boutiques feature endless maxi tube dresses and striped midi-dresses is because no one in history looks good in one. Ever. For decades women have bought, tried on, and abandoned these hard-to-wear styles and all it takes is a few cheeky Saturday lunchtime drinks and I’m feverishly reaching for them convinced all it’ll take is a pair of platforms and a woven skinny belt to transform me into Lilly Cole. Mistake.
Festivals take this fashion sin-drome to catastrophic levels. Amongst my sins- leopard print leg warmers, 70s hippy headscarf and velour tracksuit to name a few. But clearly I’m in good company, admittedly Jaime Winstone (right) has questionable dress sense at the best of times, but a striped ladygrow with Mickey Mouse ear hair styling takes it up a considerable notch.
Professor Green was also spotted in an all-in-one, although he opted for a less conspicuous plain black number.
Looking ahead to the Autumn/Winter 2011 fashion trends afoot I see chocker necklaces a la 1990 rubbing up against all things 70s, which will give me a great opportunity to excel myself in the vintage fa-shunned stakes.
Let’s face it; life is better in fancy dress.