Inspired by the superb headlines of 1950s magazine ‘Man’s Life‘, Dance Ricky Dance proudly presents “The 100 Dames of Pvt. O’Rourke.” This is the first in a series of writings by the DRD columnists based on the headlines of this magnificent publication. Enjoy!
The 100 Dames of Pvt. O’Rourke
Private O’Rourke ducked into a narrow alley and hid in a shady doorway. He crouched on the balls of his feet, trying to ease his laboured breathing and slow his heart, which was hammering at the inside of his ribcage like a…well… a hammer, essentially. He cocked his head, straining his hearing for the slightest sound that would indicate that his pursuers were gaining on him. His head was swimming; his thoughts inevitably turning back to the fateful day a mere week ago, when his life had changed forever…
I’m sort of in love with their headlines. Particularly-THOSE SLIMEY RODENTS ARE EATING MY FLESH! and SEX CAN BE FUN! Via How to be a retronaut
Lady magazines are always full of tip top advice and today we stumbled upon a list of 50 things to do with your breasts. For reals. It was primarily ridiculous. So here are our top 30 things to do with a) breasts and b) cocks.
1) They can be a useful place to keep your bras when they’re not in your underwear drawer
2) Do the truffle shuffle! Nothing is more hilarious than shaking all your lady lumps. It’s a great way to break the ice in formal situations
2) Attach tassels to them and whirl them around a Gentleman’s club
3) Use them as a handy pen holder
4) Close doors- they can serve as great pushing devices when you’ve got your hands full Continue reading
The scene: The living room of Matt Webb’s flat. Matt Webb, Mai-Ling Collyer, Jacq Kelly and Ellie Hutchinson are discussing a recent dramatic event in their lives.
In response to this on dating Mark Hamill, here are the do’s and dont’s of dating Jacq Kelly.
|Be a c***||Have one|
|Ever think it is ok to say a single word in defence of Nick Clegg||Have the grace to ‘forget’ that I was ever a member of the Liberal Democrats, and know that whatever basic truths I got wrong in the past, now I am right about everything|
|Be a better writer than me||Feel free to be a better shag than me|
|Ever tell me the end of the book/film/box set. Seriously.||Listen with your ears – if I say I don’t want to hear it I damn-well mean it.|
|Be a white person in charge of a black worker’s union||Be tolerant|
|Ever put the milk in before the water||Put the water on the tea bag as it comes to the boil|
|Be religious||Worship me|
|Talk loudly on buses||Always have a wee snack to hand in case I get peckish on journeys|
|Live in a closet||Like the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe|
You can read Feminism: Don’t be douche (part 1) here
Last week I decided to take on the thankless task of finding non a-hole behaviour in this world of ours. It is decidedly lacking. Never the less, I’m nothing if not a tryer, so here are my top 5 feminist/non-douche moments of the week.
Whilst pop culture continues to alienate pretty much everyone, this has been a bad but good week for the laydeeez in real life terms. In other words- lobbying has worked. Yay collective voices! Continue reading