Things that really piss me off in the morning.

31 Oct

Paul Forster

I am a commuter of sorts, but not the traditional kind, I use my legs to get me where I need to without the aid of complicated machinery. Unless you count my ipod, I can walk without it but I prefer not to, other people’s faces are bad enough in the morning, I don’t need to hear their annoying voices too.

In the morning I am at my most grumpy and for those that know me, food and more sleep is generally the best option, for those that don’t… DO NOT RIDE YOUR BIKE ON THE PAVEMENT. I will not get out of your way and if I am particularly annoyed I will get in your way and shout in your face as you knock me down. The cycle paths and roads are there for a reason. USE THEM!

I am a pedestrian, I do not drive, I do not take public transport if I can help it. This does not mean I want to get run over. The lights going red means you STOP. You will receive a middle finger response or a five knuckle masturbatory signal. I am doubly annoyed by this particular morning problem as it ALWAYS seems to be Asian ladies wearing hijab. So your bad driving is evoking casual racism in me and enabling me to think misogynistic thoughts, not cool. Women are not bad drivers. Do not run me over. Do not run a red light.

Further to the above, if you are, by some feat of evolutionary intelligence, cycling on the road and the lights go red (signalling for traffic to stop) DO NOT carry on cycling, almost knock me over and make a face when I shout ‘WANKER’ at you.

If after either of these points you remember my use of music to aid my travel to work and consider that this might indicate a problem with crossing the road I would answer simply by saying that I do not need to use all my senses to cross a road. Light red = cars stopped, Paul walks across road.

If I am queuing to get my breakfast if I allowed myself the luxury of a lie in (this happens rarely) do not push in font of me with your gobshite fresher friends unless you want spittle dribbling down your back and a gnashing of teeth at your ear.

If you want to make my life easier, and in the long run, yours, please take note and realise that the morning is a rush, a hassle and a panic for many of us. By thinking your morning issues are more important than anyone else’s morning issues you throw everything out of balance and beware, you never know when someone’s morning will be worse than yours.


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