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Christmas: A love-hate relationship

13 Dec

Matt Webb

I fucking love Christmas. Love. It.

A couple of years ago, I was telling a colleague of mine how excited I was about the approaching festive season and to my everlasting dismay, shame and fury, she told me she was surprised that I liked Christmas. Apparently I come across to people as just the miserable sort of shit that will have a downer on this joyous time of year. Continue reading

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Upshot of ageing: Things that terrified me as a teenager but don’t anymore.

1 Dec

Ellie Hutchinson

I am now 30, therefore a proper adult. Whilst this means the slow, gradual descent towards death and dementia, the upshot is I haven’t worried about the following for years:

Getting pregnant by looking at a man

When I was a teenager, More seemed to specialise in horror stories about girls getting pregnant after bathing/having a fumble/going swimming with a boy. These stories always made me anxious. For starters, I was definitely not having glamorous, grown up bath sex like all the other girls in the world, but mainly because getting pregnant was seen as THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO YOU. Continue reading

Some things that won’t exist in the feminist utopia I am planning

7 Nov

Ellie Hutchinson

I have big ambitions. I wrote about my grand plan to become PM a while back and those ideas are slowly coming to fruition. Mainly, I thought about going to the Labour conference. With that in mind, and a hangover day in front of the TV, here are some things that definitely won’t exist when I take charge.

1)      Misfit’s perception that rape=natural man behaviour Continue reading

The top five: Hilarious fancy dress outfits. If sexism didn’t exist.

24 Oct

Ellie Hutchinson

So Halloween is upon us. Yay and eugh. Yay, because I’m dressing up like a gigantic pumpkin and eugh, because, well, Halloween is like the day the last 30 years forgot. Basically, it’s awful for women. Now, I try not to dwell too much on HOW SEXIST THE WORLD IS when I’m not at work, so that I can cope/live in the world/not tear my skin off. I recently tried to compile a weekly list of non-douchey types to counter the horrible misogyny that is pop culture. Alas, pop culture hates women. Surprise! However, I am yet to give up on the idea that most of us aren’t arseholes, so my new tactic is to pretend that we already live in an egalitarian utopia and that sexism is actually hilarious (you know, instead of rape jokes).  So, with that in mind, here are my top five hilarious fancy dress outfits. Continue reading

Feminism: Don’t be a douche (part 2)

15 Sep

Ellie Hutchinson

You can read Feminism: Don’t be douche (part 1) here

Last week I decided to take on the thankless task of finding non a-hole behaviour in this world of ours. It is decidedly lacking. Never the less, I’m nothing if not a tryer, so here are my top 5 feminist/non-douche moments of the week.

Whilst pop culture continues to alienate pretty much everyone, this has been a bad but good week for the laydeeez in real life terms. In other words- lobbying has worked. Yay collective voices! Continue reading

Feminism: Don’t be a douche

31 Aug

Ellie Hutchinson

I’ve had some problems today. Problems with the WORLD. It’s really quite annoying. My day has consisted of; reading rubbish claiming that hate speech is fine as long as you sing it; writing letters in response to some right wing fruit loop tell me what to do with my uterus; reading nonsense about why women should be as pretty as possible to get ahead and seeing children’s clothes that say “I’m too pretty to do math” and “my brother does my homework for me”.  Seriously. You guys… What’s wrong with people?! To paraphrase Simon Amstell “didn’t we have this conversation?” . Didn’t we decide that sexism isn’t ok? You know, in the 70’s.

What’s that?.. oh.. we didn’t. So..we’re all totally fine with it? Right…Good to know.

Gaaaah.

It’s annoying more than anything else. How can sensible people with brains still have these stupid conversations? Seriously. How? Continue reading

Top five: Edinburgh pet shops

2 Aug

Pet shops are like hairdressers and local clubs. Great puns, shabby exteriors and weird smells. I’ve already written about my love of local club names, so now I’m going to give you my top five Edinburgh based pet shops.

1) Aqua-cadabra

2) Pet, Set, Go

3) Doggone Purrfect

4) Taking the lead (it’s actually in Dunfermline, but come on!)

5) Doggy Style (whaaaaat?!)

Shockingly, there is no Paws for thought.

I survived an Open University Residential School

26 Jul

Top Five Low Points

Lucy Jackson

1) The ice breaker.  Hosted in a box room with concrete walls.  No music.  Warm cider. Stilted chat.  An attempt at a party atmosphere involved four colourful balloons tethered to an overhead projector. A middle-aged man asked me what my favourite porn was.  Socialise much?  Dire.

2) Being fed mashed swede. Twice.  The inevitable fart onslaught as we were herded back to the tiny shared office afterwards was a human rights violation.

3) The sexually-frustrated tutor- her tittering, cleavage-heaving smirky double entendre laden chat made a carry on film seem subtle and sophisticated.

4) The perpetual sinking feeling and light-headedness exactly like the one I used to get before double maths at secondary school.

5) Being mistaken for 5 years older than my actual age.  Hangover + no-makeup= brutal.

Five facts: music and me

6 Jul

Jacq Kelly

So we are all meant to write something about music. But I don’t know anything about music. So here are some facts about music and me:

1. I took guitar lessons for about three months but I still can’t play guitar. I mostly spent those three months developing a crush on someone in the class. We live together now.

2. I used to go to certain music events in order to meet lesbians but now I feel I have a sufficient number of lesbians in my life.

3. I’ve ‘dated’ two drummers. One of them broke a lot of sticks.

4. I took recorder lessons at school but still can’t play recorder. Really I wanted to be in the choir but then I recorded myself singing. It did not sound good.

5. One time I asked Martha Wainwright to sign a cd “to Jacq, thanks for all the good times.” She was not amused but did it anyway.